By Nicole L. Lawrence
Let's start with story time:
When I was in high school I participated in many theatre productions. One day I was helping to build a set, and someone causally handed me a hammer (terrible mistake). Being a rookie, I was couscous at first but quickly became careless with the seemingly easy task of hitting nails into wood. Suddenly, instead of hitting a nail I hit myself directly on my hand. Panicked, I waited for pain to go racing through my arm...but nothing happened. Then I realized I had hit the hammer directly on my purity ring. Although it had quite the dent, in was still in tack.
This event became a metaphorical representation of purity to me; a lesson in disguise. The hammer represented sin and evil, and my purity ring of course represented purity. My ring protected me from pain when I was struck by the hammer. In the same way purity spares us from being heartbroken by sin. Also, my purity ring was deformed and damaged but it wasn't destroyed. None of us are perfect. We all fail God, but even in our brokenness God sees us as his children who can be a valued part of his Kingdom.
End of story time.
Purity rings are the ultimate Christian must have accessory. I remember at church camp majority of the girls, and some boys had a purity ring. Even some of my friends at school who didn't live a Christian lifestyle, or weren't sure if they believed there was a God still had a purity ring.
Recently I've heard many arguments saying the church is failing to teach the difference between 'purity' and 'virginity'. Honestly purity rings are likely contributing to this misunderstanding. Yes, I agree so let me give you my little rant on purity, and then we'll get back on topic.
Purity is a lifestyle, the choice to live a life seeking to be free from sin (all sin, not just premarital sex). In Ephesians, Paul compares purity to light and sin to darkness. Sin hides in the dark, but once it is brought to the light it looses it's power. Light always defeats darkness! Sin is usually about finding something easy to fill us up, but it's only temporary which leaves us empty and begging for more. It's an endless cycle of emptiness. But when you replace it with things that are pure (reading your Bible, helping others, praising God, ect) those things fill that void to become a source of strength.
Okay, getting back on track. In this subtext a purity ring is usually representing sexual purity. It's someone's choice to wait to have sex until they're married. An 'abstinence ring' would probably be a better title.
I remember when I was in high school many girls who entered with a purity ring as a freshman wouldn't be wearing one as a Senior. I had several conversations with friends who had decided to break their vow to abstain from premarital sex. Their story usually went one one of three ways. It was either the 'it just happened' story, or it was 'we love each other so it's not wrong'. Finally there was the classic 'if I didn't do it they would have broken up with me.' Saving sex for marriage is an unrealistic idea to most most high school students. EVERYONE is doing it (well, everyone says they're doing it). Premarital sex is so common now that abstinence is an out dated practice.
These were the thoughts of my peers and honestly the world in general. Most TV shows, movies and songs on the radio were about indulging my inner desires at every chance. Even in health class we were learning more about safe sex than abstinence. I was only hearing about abstinence from church and my parents, and for most teenagers that would make then run in the other direction. Sometimes I thought, 'why should I wait to have sex if my husband probably wouldn't?' It seemed like waiting meant I was going to be only virgin left, and no guy is going to want an inexperienced partner. SPOILER ALERT: my 16-year-old self was wrong...I was wrong about a lot of things at 16.
Luckily I decided to pray about it, and God told me that I needed to trust him. Even though I felt crazy, I started praying for my future husband. I decided even if no one else was doing it, I was going to wait. Most people got their purity ring as a gift from their parents or pastors. I decided that this was my own choice.
Some people would argue purity rings are just about showing off faith, or I was one of those weird girls that claimed Jesus was my boyfriend. Honestly, I found it to be a great reminder. Since it was on my left ring finger, in place of my wedding ring, it reminded me that while waiting seems trivial now it would one day pay off. I didn't always understand why God though it was important for me to wait to have sex, but I knew that he loved me and he knew what was best for me.
This is the promise I made when I 16. This was from a journal entry I wrote, at the time, to my non-existent husband:
I've been wearing my purity ring for a couple days now. Sometimes when I look at it, I smile. I'm reminded of the promise I made to 5 people, which is a big deal. First I made the promise to my parents who are holding me accountable to my purity. Of course since they are my parents they love me and seek what's best for me. Plus there's that whole 'obey your parents' commandment I'm supposed to follow. Then, I made a promise to myself because I'm worth waiting for. I'm a daughter of Christ, who is a King, which makes me a princess so I'm valuable and deserving of authentic romance. (That sounds extremely conceited, but hopefully you know what I mean). Then I made a promise to YOU! You are a son for God. As your wife I'm supposed to give you all myself emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually because you deserve all of it. I want to belong to you, and only you (plus, it sounds nasty to sleep with several guys. No thanks, one is enough!) Finally, I made a promise to God. Although I belong to you, together we belong to God. He is the only one who can truly unite us as one flesh, and I know he will bring us together at the right moment. Our bodies are his temples, and we are supposed to use them as a living sacrifice to him. Basically it's a big deal, and it's a promise I will not be breaking.
Now that I am married, I can truthfully say it was worth waiting. It was a wonderful moment when my husband proposed and he switched my purity ring with my engagement ring (I switched it to my right ring finger because we were still waiting to be married to have sex). Sure, our wedding night wasn't like a fairytale where the prince sweeps me up into the tower for a night of romance, but honestly I'm sure it was much better than loosing my virginity on Prom night. God provided me with a loving husband who, not only was a virgin, but more importantly a man with a pure heart. I frequently doubted gentlemen like him existed. Trust me, God's plan for you is much better that what you get on your own. I've learned to never mistake your lack of patience for God's absence. There is a right time and place for everything, and the wait will be nothing compared to the reward.
HOWEVER, if you did not wait for marriage to have sex that doesn't mean it's too late. No one is completely pure, that includes sexual purity. You can always choose to seek a life that honors yourself, your future spouse and God. Thankfully we praise a God who is merciful and forgiving. Repent for your sins...remember, Satan looses his power when you bring sin to the light. You don't have to be a virgin to find a Godly spouse. Start praying for them and pray that you can remain faithful to them, even if they aren't a part of your life now. Also, pray God prepares their heart to forgive you for the mistakes you've made. If they are truly worthy of you they will love you for you, flaws and all. Remember, everyone comes with baggage; find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.
Let's start with story time:
When I was in high school I participated in many theatre productions. One day I was helping to build a set, and someone causally handed me a hammer (terrible mistake). Being a rookie, I was couscous at first but quickly became careless with the seemingly easy task of hitting nails into wood. Suddenly, instead of hitting a nail I hit myself directly on my hand. Panicked, I waited for pain to go racing through my arm...but nothing happened. Then I realized I had hit the hammer directly on my purity ring. Although it had quite the dent, in was still in tack.
This event became a metaphorical representation of purity to me; a lesson in disguise. The hammer represented sin and evil, and my purity ring of course represented purity. My ring protected me from pain when I was struck by the hammer. In the same way purity spares us from being heartbroken by sin. Also, my purity ring was deformed and damaged but it wasn't destroyed. None of us are perfect. We all fail God, but even in our brokenness God sees us as his children who can be a valued part of his Kingdom.
End of story time.
Purity rings are the ultimate Christian must have accessory. I remember at church camp majority of the girls, and some boys had a purity ring. Even some of my friends at school who didn't live a Christian lifestyle, or weren't sure if they believed there was a God still had a purity ring.
Recently I've heard many arguments saying the church is failing to teach the difference between 'purity' and 'virginity'. Honestly purity rings are likely contributing to this misunderstanding. Yes, I agree so let me give you my little rant on purity, and then we'll get back on topic.
Purity is a lifestyle, the choice to live a life seeking to be free from sin (all sin, not just premarital sex). In Ephesians, Paul compares purity to light and sin to darkness. Sin hides in the dark, but once it is brought to the light it looses it's power. Light always defeats darkness! Sin is usually about finding something easy to fill us up, but it's only temporary which leaves us empty and begging for more. It's an endless cycle of emptiness. But when you replace it with things that are pure (reading your Bible, helping others, praising God, ect) those things fill that void to become a source of strength.
Okay, getting back on track. In this subtext a purity ring is usually representing sexual purity. It's someone's choice to wait to have sex until they're married. An 'abstinence ring' would probably be a better title.
I remember when I was in high school many girls who entered with a purity ring as a freshman wouldn't be wearing one as a Senior. I had several conversations with friends who had decided to break their vow to abstain from premarital sex. Their story usually went one one of three ways. It was either the 'it just happened' story, or it was 'we love each other so it's not wrong'. Finally there was the classic 'if I didn't do it they would have broken up with me.' Saving sex for marriage is an unrealistic idea to most most high school students. EVERYONE is doing it (well, everyone says they're doing it). Premarital sex is so common now that abstinence is an out dated practice.
These were the thoughts of my peers and honestly the world in general. Most TV shows, movies and songs on the radio were about indulging my inner desires at every chance. Even in health class we were learning more about safe sex than abstinence. I was only hearing about abstinence from church and my parents, and for most teenagers that would make then run in the other direction. Sometimes I thought, 'why should I wait to have sex if my husband probably wouldn't?' It seemed like waiting meant I was going to be only virgin left, and no guy is going to want an inexperienced partner. SPOILER ALERT: my 16-year-old self was wrong...I was wrong about a lot of things at 16.
Luckily I decided to pray about it, and God told me that I needed to trust him. Even though I felt crazy, I started praying for my future husband. I decided even if no one else was doing it, I was going to wait. Most people got their purity ring as a gift from their parents or pastors. I decided that this was my own choice.
Some people would argue purity rings are just about showing off faith, or I was one of those weird girls that claimed Jesus was my boyfriend. Honestly, I found it to be a great reminder. Since it was on my left ring finger, in place of my wedding ring, it reminded me that while waiting seems trivial now it would one day pay off. I didn't always understand why God though it was important for me to wait to have sex, but I knew that he loved me and he knew what was best for me.
This is the promise I made when I 16. This was from a journal entry I wrote, at the time, to my non-existent husband:
I've been wearing my purity ring for a couple days now. Sometimes when I look at it, I smile. I'm reminded of the promise I made to 5 people, which is a big deal. First I made the promise to my parents who are holding me accountable to my purity. Of course since they are my parents they love me and seek what's best for me. Plus there's that whole 'obey your parents' commandment I'm supposed to follow. Then, I made a promise to myself because I'm worth waiting for. I'm a daughter of Christ, who is a King, which makes me a princess so I'm valuable and deserving of authentic romance. (That sounds extremely conceited, but hopefully you know what I mean). Then I made a promise to YOU! You are a son for God. As your wife I'm supposed to give you all myself emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually because you deserve all of it. I want to belong to you, and only you (plus, it sounds nasty to sleep with several guys. No thanks, one is enough!) Finally, I made a promise to God. Although I belong to you, together we belong to God. He is the only one who can truly unite us as one flesh, and I know he will bring us together at the right moment. Our bodies are his temples, and we are supposed to use them as a living sacrifice to him. Basically it's a big deal, and it's a promise I will not be breaking.
Now that I am married, I can truthfully say it was worth waiting. It was a wonderful moment when my husband proposed and he switched my purity ring with my engagement ring (I switched it to my right ring finger because we were still waiting to be married to have sex). Sure, our wedding night wasn't like a fairytale where the prince sweeps me up into the tower for a night of romance, but honestly I'm sure it was much better than loosing my virginity on Prom night. God provided me with a loving husband who, not only was a virgin, but more importantly a man with a pure heart. I frequently doubted gentlemen like him existed. Trust me, God's plan for you is much better that what you get on your own. I've learned to never mistake your lack of patience for God's absence. There is a right time and place for everything, and the wait will be nothing compared to the reward.
HOWEVER, if you did not wait for marriage to have sex that doesn't mean it's too late. No one is completely pure, that includes sexual purity. You can always choose to seek a life that honors yourself, your future spouse and God. Thankfully we praise a God who is merciful and forgiving. Repent for your sins...remember, Satan looses his power when you bring sin to the light. You don't have to be a virgin to find a Godly spouse. Start praying for them and pray that you can remain faithful to them, even if they aren't a part of your life now. Also, pray God prepares their heart to forgive you for the mistakes you've made. If they are truly worthy of you they will love you for you, flaws and all. Remember, everyone comes with baggage; find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.